


Six Hearts Beat On

by polynya



Category: Bleach
Genre: Babies, Dogs, F/M, Friendship, Happy Ending, M/M, Nakamaship, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-06 20:26:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18858487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polynya/pseuds/polynya
Summary: "Few weeks ago, Orihime and I got talking about writing on walls and stuff like that, and also, how hard is it t'ask a person on a date anyway? Don't gotta moon about it for 40 years and drive all your friends crazy, y'know. And, ah, we went on a date.""Three dates," Orihime amends."Three dates," Renji agrees.





	Six Hearts Beat On

**Author's Note:**

> I have a special corner of my heart set aside for Renji/Orihime and there isn't very much of it and most of what there is, is sad, and sometimes Ichigo and/or Rukia are kind of jerks. Which is fine! There is something inherently melancholy about this ship. But once they got rolling, I feel like they would just be ridiculously, stupidly happy together and that everyone would be happy for them, and I felt like writing that, so here you go. NAAAAKAAAAMAAAAA!!!!!!!
> 
> PS: Ukitake lived, bitch.

They are sitting in a booth at a restaurant, Ichigo and Rukia across from Orihime and Renji. Ichigo has asked everyone to come, and he feels awful, just terrible. He and Rukia are so, so lucky to have these two marshmallows in their lives, to be loved by these incredibly kind, loyal, amazing people. This is killing him, and Rukia, too. He doesn't want to hurt them. But he loves Rukia, and that's a good thing, a pure thing, and he knows these blockheads will be happy for them, even as their own hearts are breaking into pieces.

Renji is playing with the salt shaker. "Thanks for asking us all out tonight, Ichigo." _Stop it, Renji_ , Ichigo thinks, _shut up._ "We kinda have something to tell you both."

"We?" Rukia echoes, voicing Ichigo's thought out loud. "We who?"

Renji ignores this and plows on. "Few weeks ago, Orihime and I got talking about writing on walls and stuff like that, and also, how hard is it t'ask a person on a date anyway? Don't gotta moon about it for 40 years and drive all your friends crazy, y'know. And, ah, we went on a date."

"Three dates," Orihime amends.

"Three dates," Renji agrees.

"We didn't tell anyone in case it turned out to be nothing," Orihime explains, very matter-of-factly. There is a loud buzzing in Ichigo's ears as he watches her knot those delicate fingers through Renji's big, blunt ones. "But it's not nothing. It's something."

Renji sets his jaw and narrows his eyes. He looks like he's about to release his zanpakutou. "We're going steady. You're our best friends and the first people we're telling."

"No one says that anymore, Renji," Rukia informs him.

Ichigo looks at her. Rukia's expression is unreadable, as it often is. He looks back at Renji and Orihime, who are gazing at each other.

Orihime is correct. It is definitely _not_ _nothing._

 

* * *

 

They are a block away from the Kurosaki Clinic when Rukia grabs the front of his shirt and intones "What the fucking fuuuuuuck?"

"I don't knoooooow," Ichigo wails in return.

"Is it a front? It would be _just_ like them to do this so we wouldn't feel bad about being together."

"It would be, but I don't think it is," Ichigo scratches his head. "I've seen Orihime try to put on a happy face, and she's terrible at it. That's not what this was."

Rukia scowls. "I know you think Renji is an asshole, but he just acts that way when he's fighting to get people riled up. He's actually really thoughtful and caring and I bet he treats her like the queen of the world."

Ichigo swallows. "Of course I know how he is, he's my friend, too! And Orihime is the most loving goddamn person in the whole goddamn world, and I don't think there's anyone who really deserves her, but Renji's up there, with maybe like, you and Chad."

They look at each other, trying to make sense of this. Or maybe they don't need to. Maybe it already makes perfect sense.

"Do you regret…" Rukia says in a small voice.

"Of course not!" Ichigo booms. "I want to be with you!" He frowns. "Do you want me to take you on dates? I’ll take you on dates if you want!"

Rukia pulls a face. "I want to kill Hollows and make out with you. Not at the same time. Does that count?"

"Who cares?" says Ichigo, and pulls her in for a kiss.

  

* * *

 

 

Renji starts showing up at social events. Orihime tells people he is from Canada. He affects a hat that he feels makes him look Canadian, and occasionally holds forth enthusiastically on the subject of ice hockey. Now that they are all in college, social occasions are mostly Ishida and Orihime's pre-med friends. Ichigo is majoring in English, but he's not into it the way he thought he would be, and he's had trouble making friends. He likes the weekends when Chad rides the train back from Chiba, where he is studying social work. He wishes Rukia could visit more often.

"Don't you have a job?" Ichigo asks Renji. "Does Byakuya know you're here?"

Renji just shrugs.

 

* * *

 

The semester is over, and just the six of them are getting together for the first time since everyone went heads-down for finals. Chad will be in Chiba for the summer with an internship, but he's visiting for a whole week, crashing with Ishida, and the summer seems huge and full of possibility.

Orihime shows up with a huge bandage on her arm. Ichigo immediately starts fussing over her, until, grinning sheepishly, she peels it away to reveal a tattoo of a butterfly.

Chad admires the crisp linework. It will take a few more sessions to get it all colored in.

Ishida had apparently been consulted on this beforehand, although this is the first time he has seen it. Orihime has her heart set on pediatrics, and he comments that her patients will probably love it. Ichigo is skeptical how their parents will feel, although people keep coming to see his weird old dad, so who knows?

Renji is beaming, and can't stop talking about how chill she was the whole time.

Rukia feels something in her chest loosen and shake free. She has never seen Renji so happy. She is happy. She knows what is going to happen. She gives it six weeks.

 

* * *

 

It is a month later, actually, the evening when Byakuya comes home, utterly distraught, which is to say, he is frowning harder than usual.

"Your friend," he starts, over dinner. He starts again. " _Your friend_ has resigned. He says his 'heart is no longer in it', whatever _that_ is supposed to mean." Byakuya has never referred to him as her friend before, always some variation of "my disappointing vice-captain." Clearly, he is taking this hard.

"Hmm," says Rukia. "I should go talk to him."

Renji is busy giving most of his stuff to Hisagi, who is very confused.

"You can't just go live in the World of the Living," Rukia tells Renji. "They won't let you."

"Urahara gave me a list of things you can do to get banished," he informs her, holding out the list. "I've picked #33."

#33 looks like an awful lot of fun, but Rukia convinces him to hold off while she sees if there isn't another way. She doesn't want him to be banished. She doesn't want to give up going on long walks in the Rukon woods with him or getting plastered at their favorite bar. She wants him to be able to come when she finally makes captain or to visit her if she ever has a baby.

She talks to her captain, who talks to his best friend, the Captain-General. An exchange is negotiated, a lieutenant for a substitute. Byakuya, as always, proves uncooperative. Further negotiations are made.

Rukia probably should have talked this over with Ichigo first, but by now, she knows which way his heart goes.

"It might be a bit funny for some of the Squad 13 old-timers to have a Shiba for a lieutenant again," she warns him.

"I'm keeping my name," he frowns in response. "Are you sure _you_ want to do this? I hear tell that Vice-Captaining the 6th isn't exactly a picnic."

"I'll manage," she assures him. "The last one has promised to reply to my texts."

 

* * *

 

Two weeks before the fall semester starts, there is a wedding in the tiny back garden of the Kurosaki Clinic. Tatsuki is the Maid of Honor, and she is pissed that she can only vaguely make out about half of the guests. She approves of Renji, though-- they lift together and he makes very good protein shakes. Ichigo is best man. Renji and Orihime couldn't agree who got Rukia, so she has been proclaimed Best Friend, and granted privileges co-equal to Ichigo and Tatsuki. Chad gives Orihime away. She insists on calling him "Dad."

Orihime made her own dress, which is a simple sheath of white silk. Her tattoo is finished, and its colors are brilliant on this bright summer day.

Renji looks about as sedate as possible, in a tux, with black silk tied over his forehead. It was Rukia's job to made sure he showed up looking presentable, and Ichigo is pretty sure she deserves some sort of medal for her efforts.

Ishida has gotten ordained online because he says he is the only one who can be trusted with this. He gives a beautiful speech that makes Ichigo feel like he did in Hueco Mundo, like his heart is beating in time with five others, and he realizes how much he is going to miss everyone when he goes to Soul Society in a week. Rukia is pretending not to wipe away a single tear with the heel of her hand. Chad is just openly crying.

Orihime and Renji are kissing. They are married now. Ichigo wonders if Rukia will want to get married. He can't decide how he feels about that.

Renji spins Orihime around, and then grins at her. "I'm gonna do it," he says, looking her in the eyes. Orihime is grinning also.

"Renji, _NO!"_ Rukia shouts, like she is trying to hold back a bad dog. It is too late.

He rips the sleeves off his tux.

The lieutenants go nuts.

 

* * *

 

Ichigo finds himself losing all sense of time in Soul Society. He is good at his job and he loves it. One of his duties is to check in with the Substitute Shinigami once a month, and it feels like every time he goes, so much has changed. Renji is a very good Substitute Shinigami, as it turns out, probably better than Ichigo ever was. He is a keen tracker and he usually feels Hollows long before his badge goes off. He even files reports in a timely manner. He absolutely does not need to be checked on, but Ichigo isn't going to tell anyone that. He usually takes the opportunity to visit his family and whoever else happens to be around. That's pretty easy, since Renji and Orihime have bought the house across the street from the clinic. He's not sure where they got the money for that. Chad helped Renji get a job as a personal trainer at some fancy gym. Renji is beloved by those old rich birds, but surely it can't bring in that much cash, especially since he had to cut back his hours recently. Ichigo suspects his own old man may have loaned them the cash, related to the fact that Orihime has been working at the clinic for a few years now, and will be coming on full-time as soon as she graduates.

"You should bring Big Rukia next time," Renji suggests, trying to steer some orange goop into Little Rukia, who is valiantly trying to fall out of her high chair. "And don't tell me she's not allowed, I know she has Ol' Hatchetface wrapped around her little finger." Renji now has a variety of colorful nicknames for Byakuya that always pop, unwanted, into Ichigo's head during Sunday Dinner.

"She's on a mission out in deep Rukongai," Ichigo explains, as if the former and current lieutenants of the 6th don’t text each other about a thousand times a day. Ichigo applies himself at scratching Rutabaga behind the ears. If he doesn’t, the dog will start bothering Renji for baby food. "Jeez, man, you're married to the best looking woman in Karakura, why'd you have to go and make that baby look so much like you?"

"Shame, isn't it?" Renji cheeses at his daughter, who giggles back at him and grabs for his hair. "Better luck next time, right?" He waggles his eyebrows at Ichigo.

"Yeah, s...ure. Wait. Do you mean…?"

"Do you need me to do the eyebrow waggle again?"

 

* * *

 

Sure enough, Orihime is massive and glowing when they are all together again, this time for another wedding. It's a tiny wedding this time, just the six of them and the Justice of the Peace. Rukia and Ichigo haven't even bothered with gigais. The marriage license only needs two witnesses, and the Abarais have that covered. (Urahara wrangled up a false identity for Renji years ago. His middle name is Gordon and he immigrated from Winnipeg).

Chad is dressed all in black and Uryuu is all in white, and they both look handsome as hell, and Ichigo is feeling a little scruffy beside them. Even Renji has cleaned up for the occasion, and it is irritating how good that guy looks in a sport coat, when is he gonna start looking like somebody's _dad_ already?

Rukia scrounged up a formal kimono for him, but it fits poorly. He suspects it might be Byakuya's, and is therefore likely cursed. He hopes it doesn't curse Uryuu and Chad's marriage, though, because Uryuu had a rough road coming back from the Yhwach thing and Chad was there the whole time, and those guys deserve nothing but happiness.

Afterward, they go up to the hill that overlooks the Karasu and drink and talk about old times and new times. Ichigo feels really lucky but also sad, because he wishes there could be two of him, one in Soul Society and one that could be here with his friends all the time.

The party breaks up because Orihime and Renji need to retrieve Little Rukia from Yuzu (who would just as soon keep her) and because Chad and Uryuu want to home and do what newly married people do, and then it’s just Rukia and Ichigo sitting alone and a little bit drunk on a hill in fancy kimonos.

"D'you…" Ichigo starts, "D'you ever want to?"

"It would be an enormous pain," Rukia informs him. "We would have to get Noble People Married."

"Oh," says Ichigo.

"And it's not like in the Living World. There's no divorce and we could live for hundreds of years. You want to risk being stuck with me for _a thousand years_? Almost no one does it unless they're trying to make a political alliance."

"Your brother was married," Ichigo points out.

"My brother is a sappy romantic," Rukia sniffs.

"That is categorically untrue," Ichigo replies.

Rukia chews on a fingernail for a minute. Finally, she says, "He figured it out. Everything we would have to do, to get it accepted by the Clans. It's a lot. Among other impossible things, we have to get the Shiba un-disgraced. And either your dad has to move back to Soul Society or you have to become the clan head."

Ichigo's head is suddenly spinning, not just from the booze. "He doesn't even _like_ me."

"I think he might. He's finally stopped lecturing me on why I should have picked Renji." She pats Ichigo on the knee. "We didn't think he liked Renji either."  She stretches. "Anyway, you seemed pretty adamant about keeping your name, so I figured it was a no-go from the start."

Ichigo frowns. "Could I hyphenate?"

 

* * *

 

Getting a captaincy isn't as hard as he thought it would be. The test is trivial, and Ukitake jumps at the chance to retire from active duty; the Captain-Commander has invented some new Chief Archivist position for him where he gets to hang out in the library all day.

Finding a second proves more problematic.

His first choice is Rukia, of course, but Byakuya has named her the Kuchiki Heir, and the Kuchiki Heir is vice-captain at the 6th, end of story. Ichigo suspects that if that weren't the case, she would prefer to take the captain's exam herself, rather than serve under him, thank you very much.

He knows his second choice will say no, but figures it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"Ask me again in about 70 years," Renji replies genially.

Maybe Ichigo shouldn't have asked while Renji had his smallest daughter strapped to his chest and was kicking a soccer ball around with the other two. There are a bunch of dogs in the mix also, Ichigo hasn't managed to get a successful count. Chad shows up with them from time to time. He finds them all homes eventually, but Ishida is sensitive to dog hair, so they live in the Abarai Chaos Zone in the meantime. Karin and Yuzu have ended up with one a piece. Tatsuki and her girlfriend have taken in three.

"Daddy, watch out!" Little Rukia shouts. "She's coming!" Little Rukia is going to be taller than Big Rukia by the time she is in elementary school.

"Oh, no!" Renji wails.

Orihime sails over the fence and deftly snatches the ball away from her husband with one foot. "It's coming to you, Hihi-hime!" she shouts gleefully, gently passing the ball to their middle daughter. Hihi-hime's real name is Hoshi; Ichigo _can't believe_ they call that beautiful child “baboon princess”. He’s pretty sure he heard Renji call the baby “Fang” earlier.

Hihi-hime kicks the ball with all her might, and it rolls, very slowly, into the regulation soccer goal that Renji has installed in their tiny backyard.

All Abarais throw their arms in the air, and the ones that can talk yell "GOAL!"

Ichigo really does like coming here.

"Hi, Ichigo," Orihime finally gets around to greeting him. "What's up?"

"Dumbass got himself made captain, and wants me to go do his paperwork for him," Renji summarizes.

"Congratulations!" Orihime beams. "Does it pay enough for a nanny? Would you still be home in time to make dinner?"

“I already turned him down,” he replies, snagging her around the waist and kissing her.

“Don’t be gross in front of Uncle Ichigo, Dad,” Little Rukia scolds him.

All of the Abarai girls can see him.    

Maybe one of them could be his vice-captain.

 

* * *

 

He still hasn’t found a vice-captain when some internal dispute in the Demon Realms bubbles over into Soul Society, and they’re overrun with oni.

Ichigo’s trying to activate his point of some seven part ward they’re trying to set up around the Seireitei. He can do kidou now, but it take a lot of concentration, and these stupid fire demons keep setting his hair on fire.

“Can you give me ten clear minutes, Sentarou?” he begs.

“I’m doing my best, sir!” Sentarou wails.

And then he hears it, that janky CLK-CLK-CLK-CLK-CHUNK, a sound that means his ass is granted 10 clear minutes to get off this stupid kidou.

“HOWL, ZABIMARU!” comes the familiar bellow. “Substitute Shinigami, Abarai Renji and friends, reporting for duty!”

And Ichigo realizes that Renji is being twice as aggressive as usual because he’s not bothering with defense. Little orange shields are popping up and disappearing around him every time a fire demon gets close and knocking them aside. As he screams by, Orihime jumps off his back to land neatly next to Ichigo.

“Where are you wounded?” she asks, already at work on the big cut on his head that’s been leaking blood into his eyes. “Don’t worry, I can still cover Renji while I work on you. We’ve been practicing.”

Orihime has made her own battle costume this time. It’s a one piece, sleeveless, floral number that shows off the two full-sleeves that first tattoo has turned into over the last few years, all butterflies and birds and vines and flowers. She’s wearing sneakers, like she always does into battle, and a floral headband in the same print as the jumpsuit. Renji is wearing an identical one.

It’s been a long time since Ichigo’s fought alongside Orihime, but the one thing he remembers is that he can depend on her completely. “I’m fine. Are Chad and Uryuu here?”

“We dropped them off at the East Gate, Captain Hitsugaya needed support. What can we do?”

“Rukia needs backup up at the North Gate. Just a shitload of trolls up there. I felt Byakuya’s reiatsu crash a bit ago. I need to cast this kidou, but--" he swats away a fire demon with Zangetsu, "--it's hard to concentrate.”

“Renji!” Orihime hollers.

“Oi, what’s up, boss?” he hollers back.

“Go help Rukia! I’m gonna give Ichigo some cover and then we’ll catch up with you!”

"Watch out, she's cold!" Ichigo warns. Renji trained for bankai with Rukia, he's one of only a handful of people who can use his reiatsu to withstand her brutal cold. He probably doesn't need the warning.

“Roger! Give ‘em hell, ‘Hime!” Renji shouts before flash-stepping away.

“You, too!” she waves. Then she sticks out her lower lip and six interlocking _santun kesshuns_ slot around them in a testudo formation. “What you waiting for?” she demands.

Ichigo gets to work.

 

* * *

 

"You're early," Uryuu scowls. He's not Ishida anymore, he took Chad's name as a fuck-you to his dad, and Ichigo found it easier to just start thinking of him by his first name than as Dr. Sado, which is _weird_.

"I got stuff to do, man," Ichigo grouches. "It's hard work, being clan head, on top of keeping my dumb squad from catching on fire."

Nel is his vice-captain now. It's a long story. She won't wear a shihakushou and she doesn't do paperwork and also Dondochakka and Pesche are his 4th and 5th seats, but at least she helps him out when he's getting attacked. His other option was Grimmjow, who probably wouldn't even do that.

Uryuu lets him in, and Ichigo sees why he's cagey. There's a kid here, maybe 10 or 11. He's eating a sandwich and looking at Ichigo suspiciously.

"Chad, you'll be late!" Uryuu calls.

"Who's the cosplayer?" the kid asks. He has a black eye and the skin on his knuckles is split to hell.

"This is Mr. Kurosaki," Uryuu introduces. "He's my second cousin and a close friend of me and Mr. Chad's, but he lives far away, so we don't always see him. Ichigo, this is Rikuto. He's staying with us for a while."

Chad appears, a sandwich hanging out of his mouth, pulling on his coat. "You ready?" he says, pulling the sandwich out of his mouth and clapping the kid on the back. "We can eat and walk." He gives Ichigo a Chad nod and a look that says, Look at this little punk I found, remember when we were this tiny?

Ichigo gives him a look back that says, Right delinquent, that one, very nice indeed.

They leave, and Uryuu immediately says, "All right, where is this thing you want me to sign?"

"You aren't gonna tell me what that was?" Ichigo demands, gesturing at the door as he hands over a bundle of paper and a pen filled with spirit ink.

"We're, ah, fostering," Uryuu explains. "One of Chad's coworkers was managing his case, and he was doing very poorly in the system…"

"He saw me," Ichigo cuts to the chase.

"Yes. There was generational violence in the family, a grandfather who died before he was born, and you know how Hollows go after their own families…"

"You think he's a Fullbringer?" Ichigo raised his eyebrows.

"He might be," Uryuu dismissed, flipping through the papers and signing the ones marked with stickies. "Chad thought we could be helpful."

It wasn't that Uryuu didn't like kids. He took his Benadryl and put on his one pair of casual jeans and went over to the Abarais at least once a week. And then he enjoyed coming back to a spotless and silent home. Chad, on the other hand, loved kids and also animals, and it was a testament of his love for Uryuu that the larger man didn't just take up permanent residence in the middle of the perpetual tea party/blanket fort that was the Abarai living room. Apparently, though, the balance had shifted.

"You nervous about it?" Ichigo asked. "I don't imagine you ever saw yourself much as a dad."

"Tch," Uryuu scoffs. "Chad handles the dad stuff, and the Abarais are jumping out of their skin to be helpful. I schedule appointments and make lunches and negotiate IEPs."

"That's dad stuff, too," Ichigo points out.

"Perhaps," Uryuu says dismissively. "Speaking of things I thought I would never do, signing an oath of fealty to you, of all people, definitely tops the list."

"It's not an oath of fealty, it's just making you an official Shiba branch family," Ichigo excuses.

Uryuu holds it up. It literally says "Oath of Fealty" at the top.

Ichigo shrugs uncomfortably. He hated asking Uryuu to do this and it feels weird that he even agreed. "I'm sorry," he apologizes. "But Rukia says this will give us precedent to declare any Quincy from the Living World as our allies and make it so Soul Society can't just kill them indiscriminately anymore."

"I know that," Uryuu snaps. "Rukia also says it will get me un-banished from Soul Society, so I can attend your stupid wedding. However many more years that is going to take."

"The clan is pretty much back up and legit again," Ichigo shrugs. "Just gotta negotiate a marriage alliance with Kuchikis. Since Byakuya's already on our side, can't possibly see that it could take too long."

 

* * *

 

It takes four years.

The only thing that remains are three signatures: Rukia, Ichigo and Byakuya. Byakuya has said that he will sign if and when Rukia signs and not otherwise.

So, it's just up to Ichigo and Rukia now.

It is late, but they are drinking strong tea and eating candy (and sometimes throwing the candy at each other), determined to finish reviewing the agreement before they fall asleep.

“The Shiba shall maintain a residence within the walls of the Seireitei that does not require, as structural support members, facsimiles of humanoid body parts. That is so very specific and yet, not in any way sufficient,” Rukia frowns.

“I only have to sleep there one day a year or something,” Ichigo grumbles. “I’ll deal with it.” He does not want to reenter negotiations with his aunt. He runs his finger over a part that has captured his attention. "It says here that if we have a kid, it can't be named Kuchiki heir until we have a second kid to be named Shiba heir. We've, uh, never even talked about kids. Is that okay with you?"

"I will have twins," Rukia sternly informs him. Even though it's been explained to him multiple times, Ichigo still finds the spirit world process of making babies to be confusing and he's not sure if this is a thing you can just decide, or if it's just Rukia being Rukia.

"And, uh, is this something you'll be wanting to start on right away, or, like, 300 years from now?" Ichigo probes further.

Rukia _glares_ at him. "You think these are the only negotiations that have been occurring? Orihime says she is only having one more, and she is waiting on me." Ichigo looks deeply confused, so she clarifies. "So they will be the same age. So they can go on adventures."

Trust Rukia and Orihime to have already thought of everything.

"Is that contract finalized?" Ichigo asks. "The one with Orihime?"

"It is verbal," Rukia clarifies. "Why?"

"I want to add a clause," Ichigo announces. He feels very experienced at writing contracts. "Renji is forbidden from coming up with any nicknames for our children."

Rukia raises one eyebrow. "What makes you think he came up with any of those nicknames?"

Ichigo signs the contract. It is probably an enormous mistake. Ichigo makes enormous mistakes all the time. Things usually seem to work out in the end.

 

* * *

 

Rukia is at her most beautiful when Ichigo looks at her from over his shoulder. This is usually because some horrible monster is about to hurt him very badly, and instead, he feels a whoosh of cold air and looks back at that smug "saved your ass _again_ " face, and his heart soars. There was one time, though, when he bopped an enormous flaming bird in the nose with his sword himself, and then looked over his shoulder, to see that she was very much _not executed_ , and that was probably the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, to this day.

Which isn't to say she doesn't look beautiful today, because she does, piled down with three times her own weight in silk, not to mention all the hair thingies and makeup.

Ichigo himself looks pretty dumb, but Yoruichi says being a clan head is all about going around looking and acting as stupid as possible and daring everyone to tell you to your face.

After approximately 900 hours of walking around in circles and old people giving speeches and some atonal singing, it is over and they are married. Ichigo is vaguely peeved, because out of all his nakama, he feels like he has had the worst wedding, but now it's time for the reception, and things are looking up.

There are boars running around on the lawn of the Kuchiki estate, for one.

It took five times as long for his sisters and dad to weep over him as it took Rukia to have a Stoic, Yet Touching Moment with her brother, but he knows where to find her.

Sure enough, she is showing off some intricate detail of her kimono to Orihime and Uryuu. Byakuya is here, too, and Ichigo realizes this is the first time the Captain of the 6th has seen what his former vice captain has spent the last 14 years of his life doing.

"Yeah, we're spending the night," Renji drawls. "Gonna catch up with some old friends tomorrow."

"I imagine your bankai is woefully atrophied," Byakuya notes. His eyes keep darting over at the four little red pineapples lined up next to their father, arranged from tallest to shortest. He clearly wants to say something about them, but doesn't know how to broach the topic. As if Rukia doesn’t keep him up-to-date on their every spelling test and scraped knee.

"Che, if you wanna fight, just ask," Renji chuckles. Ichigo would never had described Renji as “uptight”, but it’s obvious that he’s loosened up a lot, at least when it comes to his old boss. "Hey, girls, you wanna see ol' Dad go all out against a real tough guy?"

There is a gleeful chorus of assent.

"You wish for me to humiliate you in front of your offspring?" Byakuya asks, his voice dripping with distaste.

"They've seen me lose plenty of times," Renji dismisses. "It's educational."

"There's no way our Dad is gonna lose to you, Kuchiki Byakuya!" a small voice rings out.

Byakuya's head snaps around, but all the girls are stone-faced. Renji obviously knows who said it. He looks very proud.

"If you defeat my father," Little Rukia, who is now taller than her own mother, intones, "you will face me."

Byakuya does not look particularly concerned, but he deigns to respond. "Do you even have a zanpakutou?"

"I'll take up my father’s! Zabimaru will answer me!"

Little Rukia shares her namesake's habit of talking out her ass at high volume. Byakuya doesn't know this, though, and Renji would never rat out either of his Rukias.

"And if you defeat Rukia, you'll have to fight me!" Hihi-hime proclaims.

She barely gets that out, before her next sister barks "And the Hurricane is too little to fight--

“Am not!”

“-- so if you defeat Hihi-hime, I will be forced to defeat you!"

Rukia sweeps in from behind, and throws Fang, squealing, onto her shoulders. "But if you defeat my captain, it's my duty as his vice-captain to fight you, or your daddy would never forgive me! And nobody defeats Aunt Rukia!"

Sado Rikuto has been all eyes since he got to Soul Society. He is 14 now, and very aware that his fathers were only a year older when they launched an assault on this place. "Is anyone going to try to fight you, Papi?" he asks Chad softly, a note of worry in his voice.

"Probably not," Chad reassures him. "But if someone attacks Ichigo, I'll have to help him."

"You sure would," Ichigo agrees, "because I can barely move in this getup." He side-eyes Byakuya, who was wearing a possibly even fancier version of clan-head regalia. "How do you get around in this stuff without falling on your face?"

His new brother-in-law regards him coolly. "I have dignity," he replies.

And this is somehow the most unbelievable part of the evening-- not that he is the captain of the 13th Division, or the Head of the Shiba House, or that he has managed to marry the woman of his dreams, but that he and all his friends are cracking up at a sick burn that has just been laid down on him by _Kuchiki Byakuya_.  Rukia has tears leaking out her eyes. Orihime is trying to hide behind Uryuu, who is covering his mouth with both hands. Chad is making snorty noises in his nose. Renji has either fallen out of his chair or ducked under the table. The children all look deeply confused. Byakuya...smiles.

And then Ganju flies past on Bonnie-chan, screaming "FIREWORKS ARE STARTING!" which is completely unnecessary because the fireworks _are_ starting, and they are deafening and fill the sky with color. And Ichigo recalls that he and his clan don't _need_ dignity, because they have _explosives_.

 

* * *

 

It is 2:23am.

Ichigo and Rukia have changed out of their finery back into their plain old black-and-whites, lieutenant's badges and haori left back home. They are standing in the empty street outside the Kurosaki Clinic. It is very, very quiet, in part because the two families of maniacs who live on this street are both sleeping it off in Soul Society.

Rukia is not actually a very patient woman, but she is indulging him in this, and he loves her for it.

"I just wanted to go back to the beginning," he tries to explain. "Back when it was just the two of us."

She nods. She understands. "I'm sorry I put that binding on you."

"I'm sorry I talked shit about your drawings."

"I'm sorry I got distracted and couldn't take out that Hollow right away."

"I'm sorry I distracted you and you got crunched on."

"I'm sorry I stabbed you and made you do my job and you got stupidly powerful and saved all our friends a million times and then we got married."

"Are you?" he asks. "Are you sorry for _any_ of that?"

"Nope," she replies. “Not a bit.”

And under a slender crescent moon, they kiss and think about what comes next.

   

~end


End file.
